I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
