My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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