genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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