I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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