I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize