i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
