im drinking this country out of the recession.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
