I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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