I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
