I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
