Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
