I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
