they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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