i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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