1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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