Already got asked if we're dating
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
