Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
