it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
