I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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