ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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