your thong is hanging out like whoa
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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