I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
