Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
