he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
