He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
