I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize