My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
