I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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