So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
