If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
