well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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