I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
