I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
