He is an equal opportunity slut.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
