im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
