Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You smell like stripper and shame
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
