I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
