I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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