I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
