Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you win again, gameday.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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