Umm I'm too high to move.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
