We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
