I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
