I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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