Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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