"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
