nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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