i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
