nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
