i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
