You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
