I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i've created a new STD.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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