You just made me feel so damn special
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
