If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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