Michael Bay diarrhea
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
