I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
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Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
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I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize