dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
