So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
