He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
