i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
