Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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