At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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